"Well, this is usually the part where I wiggle my arse to get you to come and see me..."

"I've been busting my ass writing funny stuff, but to get you to listen to it, I've got to show you my inner Beyoncé first!

Honestly? You're really full of yourself! If you want to see people dance to launch their careers, there's Dancing with the Stars!

If I want you to come along, it's because I'm not Vegan and we don't have barbecues with empty halls, so come on down! You want some motivation? Ok! I'm black, a ticket bought is a donation to Africa...

See what you made me write? We've got this far because you've forced me to be inventive!

Still not convinced? OK, I get it: "I'm a Single Lady! I'm a Single Lady! Ohohoh!""

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